Dispatches from elsewhere - Love and personal growth

 

I'm watching a show called "Dispatches from Elsewhere" and in it there are characters who find themselves lost in some way in their lives. Stuck, lost, numb, confused, hurt, afraid. 

I won't spoil it but I will say if you are looking for a transcendent story, of hope, love, magic this is what you have been looking for. And I would challenge you to be 'brave' and put your pre-conceptions, your 'this is stupid' or 'impossible' or scrooge like 'that would never happen' aside for once and just experience the story.

Ok... now that I have your attention.

I want to share more about myself, my life, my failures. AND my hope..is in writing this down you the reader maybe will also be able to get something from it. Hope.. I hope. 

Adler said...that there is "no past" and there is "No future" just now. 

As we age, we experience things..good, bad, successes, failures. Some of us are lucky... we have a lot of good and a lot of success and little bad and little failure. For others its the opposite, and for most of us..its in the middle... a little of all of it. 

My life has been one of huge highs and huge lows. Great Successes, and Greater failures. Lots of good and terrible bad. 

I look back and my failures and the bad..and..all of it can't be changed. I can't go back in time and fix failure. I look back in time to the bad.... I can't change it. 

Adler says... "There is no past" and "There is no future" so weird.... to think about..ok "no future" ya I get that...the future is not written yet, there is no "Memory" cause it hasn't happened. That makes sense in my spock logic brain. Yet.....what about the past?  Think about it.. the past no longer exists. It happened but only because 'I' remember it or in causes of great historical moments 'We' recorded and remember it. 

Ok going a bit deeper ...sharing a bit more.... for the bad events that happened just to me by others.. only those alive who were apart of the moment remember it. And what I do with that memory is up to me. I can let it rot.. I can let it fester, I can grow dark, distant, put walls up, hide, grow scabs and callouses around what happened. Or... I can regrow. I can be like the plant that burned to the ground. nothing left... and then regrow anew. green and flourish. I can choose to grow stronger, better, brighter.

What about personal failures?  ... I hate my failures.. I acknowledge my role and or part in the failure. In some cases.. the failure was because two people, we both failed, Thomas Covey calls this Lose Lose. 

So I can choose in the now to get stuck. to quit, to label myself unlovable, a bad person, flawed, broken or bad at relationships (in the case of relationship failure) OR.......I can do is decide in the "now" what I'm going to do..to pave a better future leaving a better past going forward. 

I can choose to rot.. or I can choose to flourish. I can choose to love and recognize that I make mistakes and I am an imperfect being only here for a FLASH of light of time and then I am gone. I can choose to make the best of what time I have even if I do it alone :). Thats OK by the way to be alone. Don't let the government and TV shows and religion brain wash you into.. having to be in a relationship....

ok gettting back on point.....for a long time... I struggled with what the future should mean. My definition of success was like the board game 'Life' ..you either land in the rich person mansion..or you land in the poor house. I worried so much about that...and.... "Am I making good decisions" ..."Am I on the right path"..."Will I regret my choices"... Toxic stuff...really.

Yet with books, reading, therapy, support from family, and self reflection....one thing I have learned is that no matter what choice I make the important thing is that I make choices I feel good about, can be proud of, that don't hurt others, or cause harm to others. 

They are the rules to live by. Love yourself, your family, your neighbor. Be Kind, look for ways to pay it forward, lend a hand where you can. Be awesome in yourself and be the change you want to see in the world.  Don't be afraid to smile, to love, and to be yourself.

There is lots of good in the world... and we make it what it is through our actions and attitudes. I choose to fight for good, to live freely and to love myself and those around me. I will not cower in fear or be controlled by it. "Fear is the enemy of reason and reason destroys fear."

I will make mistakes...so will you. but if you live by guiding rules of love and compassion for yourself and those around you the mistakes you make will be small ones.